I received a question recently from a young reader, Katy, and it brought me to tears. After coming across some super snarky, mean-spirited articles the last couple of days, BY female writers about women and gender roles that made me want to throw my computer out the window, I thought it was especially appropriate to post my answer today. (Question shared with permission) These are my thoughts... they might not align with yours, just hear me out.
"What does feminism look like to you? (Can you be a woman of faith and a feminist?) Sometimes I feel like feminists exclude certain types of women and certain roles, and that's confusing to me. I want to go to college and possibly pursue journalism, but I also want to be a stay-at-home mom someday. My friends - who call themselves feminists - make fun of me when I bring it up, and it's hurtful. I feel like I can't be my true self around them and share my dreams. I thought feminism fought for the freedom of all girls and women to achieve anything and be anyone, without prejudice or bullying each other? What would you say to women who feel shunned and ridiculed because of the life they want or have already chosen?"
I believe women have always been meant for great things. We are not the same as men, but that does not make us less than. We do not stand behind them, but next to them.
Both men and women bring different, but equally valuable, things to the table. I believe women, of all walks of life and cultures and religions, have accomplished incredible things throughout history and have been amazing examples of leadership and how to handle great responsibility. While there are some people of faith (or political affiliation) who think women are only meant for certain jobs or roles in life - the God I personally believe in has a different message. He used women throughout Biblical history in mighty, mighty ways. In ways that were just as important as the ways He used men. (I think Sarah Bessey always writes beautifully about this very subject -
here's a taste of what she has to say about women and faith/leadership, she's even writing a book about it)
Throughout time, women have changed the course of history. They've changed events, they've changed people, they've changed hearts and ideas and opinions. They have raised families... sometimes alone. They have lead armies. They have taught the masses. They have fought for the poor. For the rights and freedoms of others. For their children. They have lead countries, governments, and movements. They have discovered solutions, answers, and cures. They have been role models and activists. Wives and mothers. Young and old. They have healed, protected, fought, died, rallied, nurtured, encouraged, sacrificed, saved, created, inspired, and loved. Their voices and their strength have carried families, towns, cities, tribes, churches, and nations. Their stories have paved the way for women like me, to live the life I want and to be able to make choices that are right for me and my future.
This. All of this. This is what feminism looks like, to me. Women helping the world.
Women helping other women, encouraging and lifting them up to be all that they want to be. No limits. No prejudice.
Here's what I would say to women. To you.
You are enough. You will always be enough. You have all the strength and courage inside you to live the life you imagine... whatever that looks like. You can be an artist, a doctor, an entrepreneur, a preacher, an ambassador, an activist, a working mother, a stay-at-home mom, or the leader of a country. All of those jobs, all of those roles, are valuable. They all require bravery, determination, and compassion...
qualities that lie in you.
Don't let anyone tell you that the life you've chosen isn't enough. That your role in life isn't important. That your life has to be a certain way to have meaning or spark change or leave a mark on the world and future generations. That is not feminism. Whether you are meant to be a mother or not. Whether you are meant to be married or not. You are not less of a human either way.
You are not less of a woman. You are complete, regardless of what your family or life look like. Whether you are a business owner, a journalist, a teacher, a wife, a music maker, or a stay-at-home mom... you are so very important.
You are whole. Women before us have fought and cried and spoken out and rallied
so that we can have those choices. So that we can create a life that brings us joy, no matter how "conventional" or "unconventional" it may look to the world, it is our choice. It is our truth. And it is our job to continue speaking out. It is our job to continue paving the way for the next generation of women. It is our job to continue encouraging each other. Reaching across town lines and borders. Taking each other by the hand and saying, "You are enough. Keep going."
So know this... you are special in ways you don't even know. You are a light that shines bright. You make a difference even when you can't see it. Be the person you are meant to be. Listen to that still, small voice in your heart that says, "This... this is who I want to be" and go for it. Baby steps. You can do it. I know you can. And if anyone tells you that the life you've made for yourself isn't good enough, if they bully you to be and act and look and live a certain way - all under the name of "feminism" - you stand up and say no. Because that is not truth. They are contributing to chauvinism and misogyny, not feminism. And that is heart breaking. I wish those women, who shame other women, would realize that they don't have to be miserable. They don't have to hurt others to make themselves feel better or superior. They can have joy, peace, and love. They deserve it, just like you do. Just like I do.
You be you. And I'll be me. Let's encourage each other to be our best selves, to continue being the women we want to be. And to lift each other up, and make each other laugh, and love one another.
You are important, and I'm proud of you.
